Finding the Balance in Newness
Since starting Narrativiti and becoming a full-time writer, I get asked, almost daily, some version of one of the following questions:
- a) So, how is it going?
- b) What are you working on?
- c) Are you enjoying your free time?
- d) What do your days look like?
I understand that quitting your corporate job after two and a half decades to become a freelance writer conjures images of someone sitting in a hip coffee shop, nibbling on their scone, and typing their latest blog post. Ahem…okay, this isn’t starting well, given that I am doing just that. I will have you know, though, that I am sitting at my desk in my office at home with a scone. Thank you very much.
While these questions might seem negative or a bit judgy on the surface, I welcome them with an open heart. They are asked by people who love and support me and have been cheering me on since I shared that I wanted to write for a living. These questions are full of hope and curiosity. Underlying the question is something much sweeter. They are really asking, “Are you finding balance and joy in your life now that you are doing something you love?”
The unequivocal answer is yes – but with caveats.
A Whirligig of Emotions
The truth is that the transition from corporate employee to self-employed freelancer has been filled with ups and downs and already many lessons. I spent the first month building a website because I thought it was important to be able to hang my shingle on my virtual office door to let folks know I was open for business. It also was a productive, tangible task, and I liked checking that box. I still think it is essential, but as the days wore on into weeks, and my list of excuses for not publishing my site grew longer, my husband finally said, “If you don’t hit publish, I will.”
With that, Narrativiti.com was launched. (For the record, I pushed the button, not him.)
I excitedly announced my new venture to my echo chamber on LinkedIn and other social platforms and breathed a sigh of relief. I did a big thing. I shared my creation and career decision with the world. Sure, it wasn’t “perfect,” but it would evolve as I evolved. I liked the sentiment—a real growth mentality. I felt proud of this thing I brought into the world…for a moment. Then fear hit me right in the face. I felt exposed and porous, allowing self-doubt to seep in. Will I have interesting things to write that people will want to read? What if I can’t think of anything to write? Why didn’t I make those last few tweaks to the website? I should have posted more content to social media first. If I fail, it will be for the world to see.
I could feel the panic rising in my chest, so I stopped, took a deep breath and looked back at the screen. It was filled with the most heart-warming notes of encouragement and support from friends, colleagues, acquaintances, and even people I wasn’t sure I knew. I didn’t have the reserves to pull myself out of the spiral at that moment, but my tribe did. I am grateful for that moment. With their wind filling my sails, I began the real work.
Figuring "Everything" Out
I created a daily routine I loved, leaving time to drop off my kids and pick them up at the end of the day. I carved out time to work on my memoir. I attended to the client work I committed to. Yet, I continued to wonder if I was productive. Did I do everything that needed to get done? Until this point in my career, my definition of “everything” was an endless doom scroll of a to-do list I methodically wrote and re-wrote daily. It was my measuring stick for how well I was doing and how much value I was adding. I realized my definition of “everything” would need a complete overhaul (lesson #1 and counting).
When I was first asked, “How is it going?” I would throw on my Corporate Jo hat and confidently reply, “I am working on my memoir, engaging with a ghostwriting client and helping a few clients with brand content.” It felt like a satisfying answer that connotes my being productive and creating tangible outputs. I am quickly learning it is really (really) hard to shed the persona of “she who delivers what the boss asks” after 25 years of using it to climb the invisible corporate ladder (lesson #2 of infinity).
Today, I answer the question with honesty and hope. I share that I am working on my memoir, but there are days when it is slow going. I admit that I am trying to figure out not only the rhythm of the work but how to do most of it. I still get caught in the learning trap and read more than I write, thinking that if I know a little more, I can own this title of “writer”. I confess that I am still learning the tools, figuring out the basics like the difference between IG Stories and Reels, using Canva, learning the ins and outs of podcasting, and marketing myself as an author. Most importantly, I am working on making “everything” a flexible word that, on some days, means putting aside the pen and paper and being there for a friend. On other days, it might be writing a blog post that has been on my heart or spending more time with a client who is sharing their story with me for the first time to listen and hear them with my whole self.
So yes, everything is going well, but the road less traveled will always be bumping and full of life lessons. I am counting on that. The one promise I can make is to always write from my heart…and to finally throw out my Corporate Jo hat!
Okay, back to my scone. It’s not going to eat itself!
-Jo
