What's Holding Me Back?
I was thumbing through old notebooks the other day and came upon one from 2016. Curious about what was sloshing around in my brain back then, I opened it. The first page was folded in half and said “EVICTION NOTICE!!!” Just like that, with multiple exclamation points, plus a few lines underneath for emphasis I guess. I was obviously very serious about whatever I was going to write next. I unfolded the page to see what was not only on my mind, but most definitely on my heart.
The title: “What’s holding me back?” I flash back to the online class I signed up for to do just this – write an eviction notice to everything I felt was holding me back from reaching for something new, trying something different, or aspiring to something bigger and better.
What follows makes my heart ache, even now. It’s not because the words are poetic or inspired, but rather because the thoughts and beliefs I scribbled on the page are filled with pain and a profound smallness. More than that, it makes my heart ache because they still swirl around my brain from time to time if I am not vigilant.
Facing My Limiting Beliefs
I wirte: “What’s holding me back?….My own mind. I’m not as good as other people. Maybe I’m not a writer. I haven’t published stuff and it makes me feel ‘behind’, and that paralyzes me. What am I going to write about anyway? Will anyone even care? I don’t know enough yet. I don’t have enough time. I am afraid of failing.”
Bingo. There it is.
I am afraid of failing (I’d write that in the past tense but that would not be true). It took all those rambling words and sentences to get to the heart of the matter. Fear. I circled the whole paragraph and wrote “ROADBLOCKS” down the edge of the page. I wrote “LIES” with arrows pointing to those ugly words that I believe(d) somewhere deep inside me. I didn’t like the sound of those words in my head or their look on paper. That was clear. I was angry at these words.
Then I write in all caps, “EVICTION NOTICE:” at the bottom of the lined notepage, followed by, “You cannot hold me back anymore. I am a writer.”
Even now, my face flushes with a mixture of sadness, embarrassment and anger, copying these words here nine years later. I wrote these words. I believed these words. These words became woven into the fabric of my identity, eroding my confidence and tying to stop me from following something I felt passionate about.
Here’s the thing about our internal voices: There are two voices sounding in our ears. One will always shout debilitating, limiting beliefs. The other will whisper, asking us to lean closer to hear it. This voice is often overpowered but also has the most power. If you tune out the shouting, you will hear your inner knowing cheering you on, telling you to follow your passions in life, knowing that only then will you be who you are meant to be.
I believe this with every fiber of my being. While the words I wrote nine years ago about feeling unworthy of my dreams still knock at the door of my psyche some days, I now know how to defend myself from their hurtful jabs. I credit that to the eviction notice I wrote all those years ago.
Write Your Eviction Notice
Today—right now, if possible—I encourage you to confront your limiting beliefs. Write them all down. Sit quietly with a pen and paper, close your eyes, and let your mind wander. Don’t guide it with loving thoughts or positive self-talk. Allow those little doubts to creep in. Trust me, they will swarm when you let your guard down. Then write without thinking, or censoring your words.
Now, pause. Breathe. Place your hand on your heart or any part of your body where you feel these negative thoughts and beliefs nestling in. You are safe, and these beliefs are not true.
When you’re ready, here’s what we’ll do with them: Evict them!
Pick up your pen again and write your eviction notice. It can be as short as “Leave!” or as long as you need it to be. It just needs to make it clear that your limiting beliefs are no longer welcome in your mind or body. Then tape it to your wall, your mirror, or the first page of your notebook—anywhere you’ll see it each day. You might be skeptical. I was too. But the act of writing down these limiting beliefs and then telling them (yourself) “You cannot hold me back,” is profoundly powerful. It douses the flames of fear with the waters of a loving heart.
And now, catch up with your dreams! They are beckoning you.
Let me leave you with a quote I love so much that I tattooed it on my arm:
“Dare to believe
the whispers in your ear,
that you might be special,
that you might be meaningful,
that one day
you might change the world.”
I am confident you will.
With an unwavering belief in you and your dreams,
Jo
